Sorry for my slacking.

Mom emailed and said she was sad to see " no name" as my last blog post because THIS baby has a name! Eleanor Wren "Elie Wren"!!!! Part of me still does not believe that I am having a girl and the other part of me knew. When I found out I was pregnant I felt like God asked me to RISK believing for a girl and this was risky because next to getting married, having a daughter has been the greatest desire
of my heart. Even as I write that I know so many people personally who long for dreams fulfilled and are still waiting so I say it with humility and reverence. Yes the excitement of a daughter delights me but I think more than anything going to that risky place of faith and trusting Jesus with the outcome has been the sweetest gift of all. If she would have been a he I know God would have fulfilled that desire if not here then in heaven where I have babies that my arms have never held. We are still relishing in the wonder of it- a girl. Dreaming of her, preparing for her- are you kidding she already has 10 outfits in her closet. Excited about a full quiver of 2 boys and a girl.

No name.

We are expecting our 3rd child on valentine's day! I am almost out of the first trimester and ready to start feeling good but am so very thankful for a healthy, thriving baby!


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Graham.

We did it. We got rid of the pacifier cold turkey. The first night was hell but the slept through the night last night and has only asked for it a handful of times since saturday. We "let" him use all of his paci's to buy s néw puzzle at target. We are so proud of how brave he has been and how supportive his big bro has been to him.

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Keller.

Keller just finished his first and perhaps last season of t ball- he was not the biggest fan but we got a kick out him this season. Some of the highlights-
1. When he was playing the field, he would hustle from one end to the other to get the ball and would literally tackle his own teammates to get the ball. Did I mention that there was only one other boy? So yes, tackling the girls.
2 but when it came to running the bases he was as slow as Christmas. We all have different theories on this one. My dad thought it was the helmet being so big and interfering with his swiftness. My observation was that because this was a competitive friendly year ( no outs or points), he didn't


really see the need to run fast even though most of the time his teammate behind him would usually lap him...remember the girls?
3. When the coach( who was his favorite person on the team) would put Keller at first base he had more fun hi fiving the batter once they got to first than catching the ball.
4.every time he was up to bat, he would take his bat and draw a circle around the t as his pre batting ritual. No idea where he learned this.
5. And lastly, as James was giving him a bath after his last game, this is how the conversation went, " buddy, what was your favorite part of t ball?" Keller responds with no hesitation and very consistent with what has been his obsession this entire season " the snacks."

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SHM.

I have been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years now and while in the scheme of things five years is nothing, it is the longest job I have ever had. Here are my thoughts so far.
1.What I love about being a stay at home mom.
-I can stay in pjs all day if I want.
- I get to see every milestone big and small in my kids lives.
- I get to go to the grocery store when it is virtually empty.
- I get to answer all of of my kids questions about life, Jesus, and people- that is pretty amazing.
- I get to spend most of my days at home.
- I have gotten to experience friendship and community with other moms that I could not otherwise.
- I get to kiss, snuggle, tickle or just sit with my boys anytime.

2. What is challenging about being a shm.
- doing the same thing most days.
- lack of adult interaction.
- the weight of responsibility to mold these little people.
- being with the same little ones all day every dy.

3. What I have learned by being a shm.
- PBS kids is the best thing created.
- a sucker from heb and a little apple juice can cure any ache
- mcdonalds is always a bad choice
- it really does fly by.


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Doggone days of summer.

Shoo weee- it is hot. I feel like every July I am so done with summer but I think I started feeling that way in June this year. So what have we done to fight the heat? Not much. Well that is not entirely true. We had lots of visitors in June which is wonderful and tiring. We go to the pool a few times a week. We have play dates a few times a week. Other than that, not a lot. More tv than I want to admit. Lots of games on the iPad. I am trying to do. Some light school work with Keller, notice I said light. It gets boring and I get down. I try to keep my head up and remember that fall will come but day after day of the 100's takes it toll. I look forward to September but then my always pragmatic husband reminds me that it does not really cool off until late October. Thanks babe.


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Swimming with the trolls.

My big boy completed his second round of swim lessons and I am not talking about let's have a good time and float on noodles. No no. This is 4 year old swimming lesson BOOT CAMP! I love it. Joy and Allison have been teaching swim lessons for a thousand years and have probably taught millions of children how to swim and as a parent of one those, I am grateful ( like my exagerations?)
He was a champ last year, I mean did everyting they asked, never cried, which is saying alot for boot camp swimming. This year I thought was going to go without a hitch as well until two days before the last day. I picked him up and he was BAWLING. Joy told me he hit a wall, was starting to fear when she was making him swimm to farther than he was comfortable with. She said just to encourage him and she knew he would do better the next day. I was not so sure especially since on the way home he was crying his eyes out telling me he never wanted to swim again. " But what about getting your water rockets when you graduate?" " I don't want ANY water rockets. I never ever want to swim!" Oh dear. We talked off and on about it all evening long. We told him how we are all scared of things and we have to conquer our fears, how important it is to learn to swim,etc. Nothing was working. James told him that night in a last attempt that the deep water was like a mean troll that the brave Keller needed to defeat.
So the next day he was dropped of without any fear, so far so good. I was anxious the entire 45 minutes before he returned to the car. Lo and behold, here came my precious boy running down the driveway with a huge smile on his face. Joy said he did awesome, far exceeded where he was just days ago. Music to my ears. The next day was parent day where we all get to come and watch. I was almost brought to tears several times out of pride. I felt pride last year but more because my little guy was such a character and fearless. This year it was because he had a very daunting fear that he faced and overcame. After parent day, my friend Luci called me and told me that she wanted me to know she heard Keller telling the other children there were trolls in the water. So one conquered his fear, the rest were overcome with it. Oh well.

Grand Canyon with vulnerable pictures.

I hate every single picture of myself from our trip to the Grand Canyon so promise not to leave any snide comments about how awful I look and please keep thinking I am cute, k?
O the trip to the GC. What i have said is that there was nothign neutral about this trip, it was both magnificent and hell. The amazing moments I would not trade. Seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time is exactly what people say it is- there are no words. It takes your breath away. When we first got there we were all just taking it in and Keller turned to me and said, " Mommy, I wish I could dance on the Grand Canyon." Wow. He said it better than anything I could have ever said. Sounds funny but there was something so right to what he said. It engages your senses in a way that you just want to take it all. The other plus to our trip was the wonderful time we had with family. Brian, Fukuko and the kids live in Hong Kong so we only see them once a year. Such sweet time connecting with them and a time that we will cherish forever. The downside....
-Riding in an RV for 1,000 hours with four children one of those being a 2 year old.
-Sleeping in an RV and having my children wake up at 5am and no one else wanting to wake up until 8am.
- The RV leaking diesel fuel on the trip back. Having to ride for 5 hours trying to make it to New Mexcio with all of the windows down so we did not pass out from the smell of diesel.
- Spending the night in New Mexcio which is WACKO because the RV was no longer driveable.
-Packing everything we had on an RV onto a 15 passenger van including four children and 4 adults. This was the low point for me.
Do you see a trend with the negatives? RV!! Next time, I will be flying and spending the night in a cabin or better yet a hotel!
And YES, we had our kids no leashes.
- Pa

G turns 2!

Well this has been a long time coming. We have not had a computer for months so I have had a heck of a time uploading pictures from ipads and iphones.
SO our baby boy turned 2 on March 12th and we kept it pretty simple. Birthday breakfast with a few friends and family. It is crazy looking at these pictures because they are the last ones at our old house. The last birthday we ever had there. We started packing the next day. No sadness, just sureal when a season ends I always reflect for months even years afterwards.
We love our Bubba G and cannot imagine our family without him. He is such a gorgeous child with so much spunk and personality. We love you G and are so honored to be your parents!

A list

Borrowed from Kelly Harp's blog.

Listening: Bethel Live.
Reading: The Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown.
Eating:Organic fruitmroll-ups, like 3 a day.
Drinking: lots of ice tea.
Watching: Army Wives and bawling at every episode
Enjoying: the Y pool with my two little fishies

Well, that was short lived.

If you know me you are not surprised that I make unreachable goals and fail to meet them. Oh well. I have not blogged for two days and the emotions I have felt are as such- guilt, freedom, pensive, ashamed,regretful- you get the picture. So I have decided to tweak my goal. First I had to realize what stood in my way of my first goal before I make another. A few things contributed to this.
1. Keller.
2. Graham. They take it out of me folks and having no preschool or mothers day out is taking a toll.
3. I have stories and anecdotes that could be shared daily but I started feeling pressures like, well I shared a serious one yesterday today has got to be funny or people will think I am depressed.
4. Blogging on an iPad. While this is a nifty gadget and a great mothers day present, it has proven to be more difficult to type on at length and very challenging to share pictures.

New goal. Blog often. No time commitments just a commitment that I will be more consistent and intentional.
Thanks for grace.

No peanuts or cracker jacks at this ballgame.

Who is it possible that my little bundle is old enough to play t ball? Last night was our first practice- oh boy we have a long way to go. He got the throw down pretty good and he hit it a few times but catching it is a different story. What I will say about my boy is that he a hustler. He would be at 3rd base and ball would be hit to first base but you betcha Keller would be running to get it. By the end of practice he was getting frustrated that not every ball was being hit to him and would turn around to look at me with tears in his eye sad that he was not the one to catch the ball. Can we see a little competivenrss in this one? I have pics but I am still figuring out to post pics from my iPad since we are currently without a home computer. Any tips on that would be appreciated.

What I have learned being a mom of boys.

1. Everything is more fun, adventurous and meaningful when it is LOUD.
2. Clothes are basically optional and if we are being completely honest they are a nuisance.
3. The dirtier the more fun they have.
4. Weapons are like shoes to girls- you can never have too many, the obsession begins very young and this continues on into adulthood...at least in my house.
5. A hug, kiss, back rub or anything affectionate is borderline abusive.
6. There obsession with their goods begins soon after leaving the canal.
7. They could care less if they have food on their face as long as the majority of it got in there tummies.
8. Every tree, rock, wall, bed, changing table is just waiting to be conquered by their strength.
9. Coloring or anything that resembles craftiness is a form of torture- at least for my boys
10. They help me imagine what my husband was like when he was little.
11. Boys are cheap when it comes to clothes- all they need are jeans and boots.

To be 18 again.

I mentioned in my last post that James' little 18 year old brother is living with us for the summer. I am totally outnumbered. Sam is a rare 18 year old. He is clean, thoughtful, amazing with my kids. I think one of the main reasons he is like this is because he has been homeschooled his entire life. My mother in law is a SAINT and has homeschooled 2 boys. They really are excpetional guys. Since he has been home all of his life, a jump to college seemd kind of big so we were a good transtion for him.
It is so interesting to me how at 18 your life is so shaped already. Most of us were shaped by our friends, pop cultrue even our youth group but being homeschooled your main influence are your parents. I hear Sam say things and instead of it sounding like a typical 18 year old boy it sounds like my MIL! I am not saying it is wrong or right it is just what it is.
I am excited to see him grow and become more independent this summer. Feeding him is a difrent story.

Weekend so far...

Met honey for happy hour at Sam's on the Square.
Ate Pei Wei for date night and sat at the counter so we could watch them cook and feel like we live in a the big city.
Went to Barnes and Noble to buy a Math and Reading book for big boy to work on for the summer... we shall see.
Went to 3 Spoons with the rest of town to get some delish fro yo.
Came home and watched Spider Man with James 18 year brother who is living with us for the summer( more on that tomorrow).
Finished The Help ( more on that sometime soon.)
Woke up this morning and drank coffee in a quiet house because our boys spent the night at the grandparents which they do just about every Friday night. I know, it is one of our greatest gifts.
Had Leal's for breakfast. For you non Wacoans, it is a breakfast burrito dive that I have been going to since I was 13. I can remember waking up in the summer, watching Young and the Restless and then riding my bike to Leal's ( used to be Taco Rico) for lunch EVERYDAY. Wow, summers as a kid were amazing.
Went to a few garage sales.
Went to pick up the monkeys.
Argued with James.
Cleaned house.
Made up with James.
Made lunch.
Took naps.
Went grocery shopping.
Cooked dinner.
Cleaned the play room while James bathed the kids.
Had devotinal- tonight was Shout to the Lord and the story of Jacob. Quick idea for simple family devotional, we found a kids Jesus loves me station on Pandora and we sing a song from it and then we downloaded a $0.99 app for the ipad with about 25 bible stories on it. Nice little mixing up on the family devotional.
Now I am blogging, about to eat a blueberry muffin because I did not like the dinner I made and watch the King's Speech. The End.

My boys.

Bleh

Today I am sick so I got nothing but I have to stay faithful to my word. Here's to hoping mom is back in action tomorrow.

Happy friends.

Ok I cannot get the entire pic to post- sad you can't see jack and Claire:(I love this picture with all of my heart! I love jack and Claire like my own children and to have them be so close with my boys is such gift. I was talking with luci,one of my other friends for life, about how important it is who influences our kids and choosing a community that you want to be part of that influencing process. I just have to say from having several amazing friendships here in Waco, to other friends and family all over the world, I am overcome with gratefulness at what amazing men and women we have as friends and my kids have as role models. I know James and I are the main molders of our children but I think other adults have such an impact our kids lives. Thank you to all of my friends who are more like family that have changed our lives and will help shape my little men.

Get on the roller coaster.

Today I am having a low day. Even though it has been 4 1/2 months since my d and c, I still ache at the loss. Days like today are ones i wish I could avoid. Starting my period every month- would love to sleep through that. Today I feel the battle to believe that I am enough Not when I get pregnant, or loose 20 lbs or have my kids college fund full- but today in my ache, mess, extra weight and impatience- today I am enough. I talked to a friend who has had several miscarriages herself and has attended a group specifically for woman who have miscarried. One thing that she shared with me is that she realized that the world does not make room for you to grieve a miscarriage. It is so internal- there was never a baby in your arms for the world to see you grieve so it can feel so lonely. Other people would say but you have two healthy children and to that I would say I do and because of that, I know what I am loosing. My heart is so very sure of god's goodness and at the same time, I have to let myself feel what I feel. Life is messy and my clean answers that I have told myself or friends before don't seem reach deep into that hurt... Only Jesus himself can venture to that place.

Always,sometimes, never.

For my family.
James
ALWAYS
Bathes the boys at night
Tells me i am pretty
Is the last one to leave church
Needs alot of condiments
SOMETIMES
Eats veggies
Will watch the bachelorette with me
Tells off color jokes
NEVER
Eats mushrooms
Puts up with gossip
plays golf

Adrianna
ALWAYS
NEEDS chapstick on my lips
Needs a daily nap
Goes in and lays with my babies after they have fallen asleep
Cries at army wives
Wants Mexican food
SOMETIMES
Likes to watch action movies
Enjoys going on an ear cleaning rage including and most favoritely the dog
NEVER
Wants to iron
Wants to play board games
Eats tomatoes

Keller
ALWAYS
Sleeps with his blue baby blanket
Wants a snack
Has hair standing up somewhere on his head
SOMETIMES
loves to sit and snuggle for hours
Blows me away with his questions and the profoundess of them
Is quiet
NEVER
stops talking ( so maybe my sometime for him was not completely acurate)
Eats cheese, drinks sodas
Meets a stranger

Graham
ALWAYS
Wants his paci
Copies his brother
Wants a piece of candy
Prays for "bubba" when asked who he wants to pray for
SOMETIMES
likes time alone
Ends up asleep in bed with Keller
NEVER
eats all of his food
Is neutral
Won't give hugs and kisses no matter what he is doing

A summer resolution.

I am going to write a post on my blog every day for the summer. For my 2 followers you are most likely perplexed by such a lofty goal seeing that I posted only a wee bit over the past year but I am turning over a new leaf. The 2 reasons I started a blog in the first place were so I could catalog my family life day in and day out. Most days seem kind of mundane especially in a job like mine but I think when you are able to write about it you begin seeing the ordinary in a new light. Like a 10 month olds fascination with a red balloon from heb. If I had not written about this I would have smiled in that moment and moved on from it but because I wrote about it, it has become a precious experience that I am able to look back on. The second reason that I began blogging was so that I could have an outlet for writing. I am not a "writer" by any stretch of anyone's imagination but I enjoy it as a hobby and like some enjoy a cigarette- it calms the nerves. So I am making this bold proclamation to you all (mom) but more to myself and I am setting new standards. I do not have to include pictures in all of my posts. My posts can be boring. My posts do not have to be tidy, grammatically perfect or clean up well. Just consistent and honest which is what I am striving to be in all facets of life.

Since January...

Alot has happened. Happy and Sad. Overall there has been hope. Because I am not on my own computer, who knows when that will be fixed, I have no pictures- only bullets.
My little 1 has turned 2.
We put our house on the market again.
We are moving in 2 weeks to a NEW HOUSE!
I am up to my eyeballs in little boy and I love it.
I am going to be moving into a house just a mile away from the house I grew up in- never thought that would be the case.
I am still addicted to Zumba- it is my crack.
I am hopeful.
Read a life chaning book " A Thousand Gifts"
Cried and laughed alot.

Sad.

I went in for a check up at the doctor on Monday and there was no heartbeat. Very sad. This is my fourth miscarriage- two before kids and now two since Graham. I will go in for a D and C tomorrow so please pray. We are ok, always sad but we are hopeful.