Today I am having a low day. Even though it has been 4 1/2 months since my d and c, I still ache at the loss. Days like today are ones i wish I could avoid. Starting my period every month- would love to sleep through that. Today I feel the battle to believe that I am enough Not when I get pregnant, or loose 20 lbs or have my kids college fund full- but today in my ache, mess, extra weight and impatience- today I am enough. I talked to a friend who has had several miscarriages herself and has attended a group specifically for woman who have miscarried. One thing that she shared with me is that she realized that the world does not make room for you to grieve a miscarriage. It is so internal- there was never a baby in your arms for the world to see you grieve so it can feel so lonely. Other people would say but you have two healthy children and to that I would say I do and because of that, I know what I am loosing. My heart is so very sure of god's goodness and at the same time, I have to let myself feel what I feel. Life is messy and my clean answers that I have told myself or friends before don't seem reach deep into that hurt... Only Jesus himself can venture to that place.
Home Sweet Home! by The Pioneer Woman
4 years ago
4 comments:
Somehow ran across your blog and just thought I would leave you a comment as someone that knows exactly what you are feeling. I suffered a miscarriage in July of last year and have said and felt all the same things. It is so very internal and you feel so isolated. Even almost a year later, I still grieve for what was supposed to be. Oh, and I still wish I could sleep through those monthly visits as I want to be pregnant again so very bad so those visits are a reminder of what was lost and what was not meant to be for yet another month.
I don't know what you're going through exactly but I will say that having a baby has made me more aware and sensitive to women who miscarry. I lived in fear, sad I know, of having one. What a tragic loss a miscarriage is and for you to grieve your baby 4 1/2 months later makes sense to me. Praying the Lord will be tender to you during this time and the days to come.
I hate that you are hurting, but I am glad you are allowing yourself to hurt and not just pushing the feelings of loss and sadness under the rug. I have not personally gone through the loss of a baby but have many friends and family who have and I ache with them, it is heartbreaking. I am praying for your heart. I know that the ladies that have found a support group for miscarriage and infertility have really benifitted from it. Love you! Thank you for your honesty.
i'm so sorry for your loss, a. so sorry. in my experience, miscarriage was such a strange thing. i really didn't know what to feel. GOOD FOR YOU for letting yourself feel exactly what you do. & about the feeling good enough, no matter the circumstances, weight, whateva... i SO feel ya!!! you're not alone.
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