goodbye fog.

I am gliding through my 13th week of pregnancy and I feel like a cloud is lifting. Maybe its the end of the first trimester and my nausea is easing up,maybe its the amazing weather change here in Texas, and maybe it's just my faithful God who knows what I can handle. To be quite honest, I have felt emotionally "low" this pregnancy. I have had to a do a lot of self talking to get my self through the days and have felt that I was functioning in survival mode. It is so hard to know in those times what to chalk it all up to " oh that is just hormones and many of women experience the same thing", and what is choice, or what is a God allowed trip to the dessert? I love the scripture in Hosea 2 that talks about God alluring Israel to the dessert so that he can speak tenderly to her and give her back her vineyards. What a beautiful word picture that captures what I feel like ebbs and flows in my life. Times that I have been allured to the dessert- at one point in my life, literally, so that I could hear the tender voice of God like I couldn't in the valley, or on the mountain. I love when he allows places of "ouch" in our lives, some that have an explanation and many that don't- they change us forever. I love the nooks and crannies in my heart that only God and I know about that have been created through those tearful times. They are some of my greatest treasures in my jewelry box of life. But I certainly don't like them when they are happening. It is that waiting time, the "ouches", the silence where my faith is truly seen. I would love to tell you all that I always proceed those times with flying colors, but we all know that is not the truth. Most of the time I pout, stomp, throw myself on the ground (like my 22 month old did this morning because he could not get in his old bouncer anymore). Every once in a while, I respond kind of well:) Oh but the grace of God that flows when I come in all honesty, transparent, aware that even if I pretend, he sees all, it is a precious moment. Praise him for the fog lifting this week for me. I feel like I have fresh wind in my sails, vision for this season of life and hope for my future. Not much has changed from last week- just a gift from God, a lifting of the fog so I can see my life for what it really is...